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Divorce doesn’t mean failure

By August 17, 2016No Comments

By Gianna Huesch

It’s normal to experience feelings of having failed when your marriage ends in divorce, but reframing your perspective can help you avoid the cycle of negative thinking that can impact on your mental health as well as your potential future relationships.

It’s typical, post-divorce, to spend time questioning yourself and ruminating over what went wrong and whether you could have done anything to prevent it. Temporary reflection on mistakes and shortcomings in your previous relationship can be healthy, as it can lead to learning and self-growth. The problem is when you become caught in the trap of endlessly, repetitively dwelling and obsessing over the ending, and exclusively blaming yourself. The negative emotions can get out of hand and threaten to wreck your self-esteem and can even lead to problems with anxiety or depression.

But recovering from divorce without feeling defeated and without experiencing self-loathing is possible. As difficult as the process of divorce can be, often the marriage was even worse. If your relationship wasn’t healthy or fulfilling, leaving it behind was the best thing you could have done.

Moving on without feeling ashamed is empowering. Divorce can be viewed as a positive first step towards a better life. It can be an action you are taking to correct a bad situation.  Just because you are divorcing doesn’t mean the marriage itself was without worth, or that it must be forgotten. You can still remember the happy times in the marriage. You can be thankful for the kids you both brought into the world. Here are some of the reasons people gave the Huffington Post as to why they don’t see their divorce as a failure:

1. It was a stepping stone to a better life.
2. Spending decades with one person is hardly a “failure.”
3. A marriage where your needs aren’t met teaches you the importance of self-care.
4. Sometimes, losing a marriage means regaining your health.
5. You and your ex had great times together.
6. It provides a chance to reinvent yourself.
7. Two words: Your kids.
8. Divorce forces you to become a stronger, more effective parent.
9. Think of it this way: Your relationship just had an expiration date.
10. You put in everything to make it work.
11. You might become a better person and parent after divorce.
12. You shouldn’t be living life on a pass-fail basis, anyway.
13.  You learned the value of self-preservation.
You can read the full article here:

The point is, rebuilding your life after divorce offers the opportunity for a fresh start and a chance to create something better. You can learn from your previous relationship and try to prevent the same problems repeating themselves in your next.

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Do you need assistance with a divorce or other family law matter? Please contact Cristina Huesch or one of our solicitors here at Alliance Family Law on (02) 6223 2400 for a no obligation, cost-free first conference to enable us to discuss how we can help you.


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